Faking It
by Skuzzbucket
Summary: Shikamaru and Temari. Valentines day. Shikamaru wonders if anyone elses girlfriend does this.


Faking it

Shikamaru sighed, running a hand back through his hair as he slicked most of the water volume out.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up. Oh, he didn't really care, one way or the other, but Temari sure as hell did. And while it was a lot of fun for him, all this posturing and yelling in front of his friends for the sake of this one little problem was becoming very troublesome indeed. Still, they'd talked about it before, and it had only exacerbated the… well, it wasn't exactly a problem, more a complication. Something he didn't fully understand.

He put up his hair and pulled on his pants. Temari came out of the bathroom, all curvy wetness and slick undulation, and wrapped her arms around him from behind. He tried, but he couldn't hide the sharp intake of breath at the touch of her chest to his back. She twined her fingers through his ponytail, the wiry hair weighed down by the water. "You think we could make it all the way to the end tonight?" She whispered into his ear. He shuddered. God, he hoped so, or he would never hear the end of it.

They finished putting on their respective outfits, both sneaking glances at each other. They walked out, arm in arm, dressed to kill.

Tonight would be a good night. Dinner with friends at a fancy restaurant, lots of wine or champagne, the couples dueling to see who could be cuter- the mood would be right. He just hoped he could go the whole nine yards. As they neared the place he swallowed the lump in his throat and led her in, opening the door for her, taking her coat. He noticed Naruto and Hinata already there, Naruto scowling. No doubt he forgot to do any of this for Hinata. Behind them Sakura and Lee strolled in, and Lee, to his credit, recalled to do all the things a gentlemen is supposed to do- which didn't stop Sakura criticizing him. The six young shinobi about town sat quietly and amicably about the circular table, which was strewn with candles, bread rolls and olive oil, and beautiful place settings. This was a splurge for all of them, but it was so rare that any of their age group had this time away from missions together that the choice was really no choice at all. After all, a bit of fun couldn't hurt, and it was Valentines Day.

"So, what did everyone do today?" Sakura asked, ever the instigator. She seemed more than ready to tell herself, but propriety stopped her. Lee smiled, also more than ready to rush into a battle of who's-more-adorable.

Naruto and Hinata exchanged sickeningly soulful glances. "We took a walk through the woods." Naruto said, his eyes still fixed on Hinatas, "We came across a small grove of wild magnolia trees and stopped. We brought a picnic with us, and exchanged our gifts there. We'd planned to do it later tonight, but we both had them on us and it just happened." He gripped her hand in his and ran his fingers lazily through her hair. Their eyes sparkled, and Shikamaru would have been remiss not to notice that whenever they dried they brought their hands closer to their faces. He was willing to bet if he got any closer he'd smell the onion juice too. Show offs.

Sakura and Lee were perturbed but not yet persuaded. Regrouping, they began their offense. "WE went to a carnival together." Sakura said, smiling as she stroked the back of Lee's hand, looking up at him from under her long lashes. His smile was no less adoring, although in his case it might have been a little more genuine, given how he fawned over her. He draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer, resting her forehead on his. "First we shared some cotton candy. Some got stuck on Sakura's chin, though. I had to take it off, or she would have been embarrassed." Oh, thought Shikamaru, nearly gagging, we've already made it to the stage where they start including unnecessary details. Next to him, Temari sighed soulfully as she listened. Hinata and Sakura shot her a pitying look.

Lee continued. "We rode the Ferris Wheel later, but it got stuck partway up, so we were at the top of the wheel for about forty five minutes." He said, nuzzling Sakura's nose with his own. Shikamaru stuffed some bread into his face to keep his expression hidden. Lee capped off his story triumphantly, "When it came time to exchange gifts after we left the Ferris Wheel, we went back to Sakura's room so we could share our feelings discreetly, without self consciousness. Imagine our surprise when we learned we'd bought each other the same gift!" He said, holding up a quartet of tickets to a popular stage play. "As such, we have two extra, so if any of you would care to join us, we'd be happy to have you."

Wow, Shikamaru reflected, bold move. Not only did they imply that they may have had sex twice, and not only was he able, if he was so inclined, to see that the serial numbers on the tickets were A436-A439 (implying that the tickets were bought altogether rather than separately,) but he was reasonably certain there wasn't a carnival in town. On the other hand, if Naruto and Hinata called them on that, they'd run the risk of being reminded that magnolias weren't in bloom any more. Still, asking another couple to the play was adding insult to injury. He stifled a yawn. He hoped that this would finish soon so he and Temari could get down to business. Hearing all this bullshit really made him want to go at it, for some reason.

Temari groaned, stretching, obviously ill at ease. Shikamaru wondered what it would be this time. Across the table, the other two couples shot each other dirty looks as they continued to try to one up each other.

The evening continued in much the same vein- they ordered, Sakura and Hinata taking a soup and salad, Temari ordering a plate of oysters, and all that implies, Naruto and Lee both getting a steak and racing to see who could finish first, and Shikamaru enjoying the quieter joy of some fried Tilapia. In the privacy of their own minds, Sakura and Hinata had to admit that while Shikamaru may not have a romantic bone in his body, at least he ate with dignity. They pointedly ignored their beaus until the bones sat lonely and cleaned on the plate.

"SO." Said Sakura while Naruto and Lee cleaned the dripping juices from their chins, proud in their neanderthalism, "What did you two do to celebrate the holiday?" Hinata leaned in too. Shikamaru and Temaris relationship was the subject of much speculation between the women of the village.

"NOTHING." Said Temari pointedly, looking daggers at Shikamaru. The jounin sighed. Here we go. "Of course, I was hoping Shika might make an effort, but you know him. He didn't even remember what today was until I reminded him." Sakura tsked, Hinata mumbled an apologetic something or other in the way of, "I'm sorry your boyfriend's an insensitive jerk." Naruto and Lee looked over their shoulders and shot Shikamaru a look of pity, filmed slightly with superiority and gratitude that they'd managed to avoid such scrutiny.

"I don't see what the big deal is. I gave you a gift last week, anyway, for fun." Shikamaru mumbled in his self-defense, knowing secretly that this would end up how it always ended up. Temari scowled. "That's different! This is Valentines Day! At least giving me a kiss this morning would have showed you gave two shits!"

Shikamaru bristled carefully, knowing that for this to end right the nuances had to be exact. "I'd kiss you in the morning if you didn't have that gummy dried spit stuff all over your lips, okay?! Try breathing through your nose!" Sakura and Hinata gasped, jerking back. Mentioning corner-of-mouth-spit was sacrilege! It wasn't supposed to exist! Naruto and Lee passed a hand over their eyes. Their comrade had bought it. It was all over now.

Temari's chest started heaving, her breath coming more rapidly as she became more riled up. "How DARE you! As if I'd want a kiss from you in the morning for anything other than symbolic purposes anyway? You smell like an old man in the morning, did you know that?!"

Shikamaru's nostrils flared. "I do not. And at the very least I don't put on enough perfume to kill a dog because I'm scared of how I smell!"

Temari stood, her chair clattering back. Her cheeks were flushed, her ears burning. "I put on this perfume because YOU said it smelled nice!" She hissed, ignoring the tears. Shikamaru smiled. The guilt tactic. Well, he wasn't going down that easy. Sakura and Hinata were tearing up by proxy, and Naruto and Lee had their arms around them. Really, Shikamaru thought, we're doing them a favor.

Shikamaru stood as well, slowly, in as dignified a fashion as possible. His own neck was bright red, and inside his pockets his fists were clenched and trembling. "… I lied." He said, triumphantly crowing inside, although on the outside he schooled himself to look hurt. "It was just a few days ago you seemed so down after you got that scar on your chest, so I thought you needed something to feel good about. I just didn't think you'd dunk yourself in it." With every word Temari grew more and more tense, her breathing became more rapid and her legs shook. She shook her head angrily, scattering the first few tears, and stormed out the door. "I'm DAMNED if I let you have the satisfaction!" She yelled. A bit more clarity would have helped there, Shikamaru reflected. The satisfaction of what? Seeing her cry? Or putting on the perfume again? The audience didn't quite follow.

Shikamaru sat, holding his head in his hands, the very real feelings of hurt, of loss, of helplessness causing his body to shake. Naruto put his hand on his shoulder, detaching himself from Hinata for one second. "Dude, don't let her get away." He whispered. Shikamaru looked up, nodded, and ran out the door after her.

They met up in the hedge garden outside, Temari sobbing into her hands and Shikamaru, playing his part, uncertain how close to get. Temari turned, eyes red but dry, and looking him straight in the eye.

They held like that for a moment, both upset, both intensely physically excited by the experience.

Savoring the moment.

And then they rushed to each other in a mad, passionate mess of clutching and clawing and biting and snarling with drama induced delight, licking the salty, conjured tears from each others faces as their bodies moved in beat with the soap opera scenario they'd constructed.

After they'd finished, an indeterminate length of time later, Temari drew her fingers slowly over Shikamarus chest and giggled throatily. "It's so cute when they think we're serious." Shikamaru chuckled, wondering when they'd learn to get it up like normal people. "Yeah."


End file.
